Bravo - To The Only Game In Town

I have a friend who's just gotten his heart broken. This is how he says he feels today in a note:

"Some people have suggested that I "get back in the game." Apparently, getting back in the game means dating a bunch of people. "Playing the field." On the ground that means shredding 4 or 5 or 10 hearts. Then, apparently, I can decide that number 3 is the gal for me. News flash! A shredded heart will never open to you again. "Once bitten, twice shy" is not a pretty song lyric, it is an accurate assessment of our survival mechanisms at work. I'm not getting back in the game. I guarantee that anyone who suggests you do is not in a healthy relationship. Or they have not thought through what they are saying. [...]"

Certainly understandable, as it was yesterday or today that he felt rejected. My other friend then said this:

"Or maybe, they have learned that a broken heart does NOT actually kill you even though you may think you will die because of the pain. Speaking from the place of having my heart broken so many, many times, I am so profoundly glad that I have the ability to try again and again because the ONLY way I can truly experience GOD in my life is by loving other people and being open to love. Moving through life's trials with an open heart has been my goal the past few years. Sometimes it works, sometimes not...but it's so much better being open than closed. This too shall pass....Courage does not come from the lack of fear, but the ability to keep moving through the fear. [...]"

Bravo to my beautiful friends, yes?

The human heart's an amazing thing. I have found that the more heartache I've gone through (of every kind), the more love I have to give. Maybe not right at the moment it breaks (and no, it does NOT have to shred, not unless I decide to dive head-first into MY PAIN), but in the healing process. And the healing process includes just that - giving love; to my friends, my family and even to the depressed-looking guy packing my groceries. And then comes the AHA! Love comes right back at me, in the form of a smile from a previously sad face, being included on a trip to a mountain with friends, an unexpected visit from my brother.

The other thing that I've learned is that love often comes in a package I don't necessarily recognize. Because I've had such a preconceived notion of what it is that's going to Completely Satisfy my Love Requirements. The right height, the right background, the right age, the right gene pool...

I married what many would (and did) consider the right package. Attractive, well-educated, ambitious, creative, witty, ready-to-get-married. And it didn't work. Shit happens. Whether you like it or not.

And sometimes I think about how much I may have missed out on, having made my list and checked it twice and setting my ideal firmly of what I think I am supposed to be holding out for. How sad, not only for me, but for those who have wanted to love me but couldn't get in.

Which may be why our hearts continue to break. To crack them open wider and let the real love in.


I am not resigning from the game - oh, no! And I really don't think the game is probably all that hard. So I pray, on a daily basis, to see what is right in front of my face. Because I truly believe that all I need and all I want is well within my reach. And more than likely, it's just too easy for me to take seriously.

Bravo, I say, to life - to the only game in town! For this I am grateful.