Milk Carton Girl

This morning Sasha was laughing when she asked me, "What's that look on your face?"

"Whaa....?"

Today I'm...lost. You know how when you reach a fork in your road and you could either go to the left or to the right? But you'd really rather just keep going straight? But there's no path there?

Can't I just hike down the middle?

Well apparently not. Because then I just get farther away from ANY path. And I have a day like today.

Today Gus had two grand mal seizures and I spent part of the day cleaning up after them and then getting him settled back into reality. I didn't like the seizures, of course, but I liked having purpose. And it made Gusgus smile.

Then Sasha needed marshmallows to make Rice Crispy Treats. I hate going to the grocery store, but again, I liked having purpose so I went. When the stock kid asked me if I was finding everything okay, I asked him where the Cris Rispies were. He must not have been from here because he laughed and pointed at me with a political incorrectness reserved only for the East Coast.

I raked half the yard. Then I swept half the house. I tried to read twice. I couldn't even nap. I tried that two and a half times. I needed to walk the lake later in the afternoon and I really didn't feel like it - but I did and it had purpose - yet everyone appeared to be smirking at me. Really - strange because I kept thinking about Chauncy Gardner from that movie "Being There."

Later, I walked by one of my neighbors who was making wooden planting boxes, you know, them organic vegetable-growing kind. What I refer to as "survivalist" gardening. We talked a bit and I said, "Jeez...those are amazing" to which he laughed and said, "they're just boxes, Nance, anyone can make a box" and I said, "no, I can't seem to get anything done" and he asked, "why can't you get anything done" and I didn't want to get all existential on him so I just sighed and said I meant in the organic sense, which he thought was very, very funny.

I guess I must look funny when I'm lost. If this goes on much longer I'm going to put myself on a milk carton.

Maybe someone will find me...?

Today I'm grateful to be...to be...to be. I guess...