Professional Deprivationalism

Exes are usually exes for a reason, yes?

Tonight mine shared with me that he fears that I may be potentially dishonest and greedy - that he fears that my "greed may outweigh my morality."

Funny, just today at my just-above-minimum-wage job, during my usual ramen-laden half-hour lunch with my other underemployed colleagues, my mind kind of wandered off into a sort of dream-like state, trying to picture myself in a job that might fit me and my particular talents better. What would that be?

Well, I'm not terribly creative today, because usually when a hint of job dysfunction hits, like during the Tuesday morning manager's meeting, I dream up things like Tsarina of a Small Island Nation or Royal Cuban Cigar Smoker. Or Aging Backward Specialist.

However, all I could come up with today, ironically, was Professional Deprivationalist.

I mean, I'm really getting GOOD at this deprivation thang, and I found myself aghast at the suggestion tonight that perhaps it's all in my head! Let's see here if I fit the qualifications, shall we?

1. I: a) sleep in my jacket and wool socks, b) because I don't have a furnace and c) can't pay my electric bill, which is so high because, d) I use space heaters because, b again) I don't have a furnace.

Deprivation or Greed (circle one)

2. I: a) can't pay my mortgage this month because, b) I make teensy little wages, which were used already used up, c) getting my car out of the tow yard this morning for, d) parking 2 inches too far toward California (south) and, e) I bought more than one bag of Halloween candy because I live in a, d) house that costs too much in a, e) nice neighborhood with, f) a lot of kids.

Deprivation or Greed (circle one)

3. When I open my cupboard to make lunch (or dinner) I find it filled with a) rice and b) ramen and c) pasta and d) cold cereal. I do, however, have milk to go with the cereal and soy sauce and even tomato sauce. Keeping it honest here.

3. I: a) shop for my fashion-forward clothing at b) Goodwill and c) Value Village and every once in awhile d) Target, and if life is smiling down on me e) the outlets at Tulalip.

Deprivation or Greed (you know what to do)

4. I: a) haven't been out of Seattle in b) over six years, except that I travel often to c) Lynnwood to d) work for the aforesaid employer of e) underemployed geniuses.

There's more, of course (isn't there always?) but I think I've painted just a little corner of my overall picture pretty well. The Gods of Exterior Abundance have not visited of recent, but I want you to know that I don't really need them. Because I am a Professional Deprivationalist in waiting. But not for them. Just for the right situation to come along where I can get paid for my talent. Any ideas, please feel free to drop me a line.

HOWEVER, I want to say briefly here that November, Gratitude Month, starts tomorrow, and here's where I think I may actually come off greedy. I believe, after my convo with my ex tonight, I will hereby commit to post one thing per day for the entire month of November that I am thankful for. And of those, I have more than I could ever begin to list.